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Two months ago, I lost my mother. The feelings I’ve been dealing with since then are…confusing. Mother and I didn’t have a good relationship and it’s been difficult pairing that with the feelings of grief I’m having now.

Anyway, here, I wrote this.


The Box


I don’t like to get political on here. To be more clear, I have avoided it like the plague. I spend the majority of my time on twitter talking about politics. This is MY blog. It’s my place to talk about my world.

But holy fuck, y’all. I can’t get past this speech Trump just made.

Did you see it or read the transcript? No? Start there, please. I’ll wait.

OK, you ready? This post isn’t what you think it is.

When I was a preteen, I was in a private Catholic school. I might have still been the only Jew at a much larger school, but at my teeny tiny little school, I stuck out like a sore thumb. A sore thumb with really terrible hair. It was the early 90s. We all looked stupid. At some point in the three years there, we were assigned some sort of historical assignment. I don’t remember the specific assignment now. The title of the assignment is not important here.

I decided I wanted to attempt to teach my classmates about the Holocaust. This was as terrible of an idea as you are thinking, for as many reasons as you are thinking, plus many, many more. But I was as stubborn then as I am now (Sorry, mom, I love you!), and I was making this goddamned presentation.

Then came the research. I spent hours at the library pouring over every bit of information of that part of WWII as I could find. It was all horrible. It was especially horrible for a 12 year old. It was even more horrible for this particularly oversensitive human at 12 years old. Some of it was more horrible than the rest of it. One part was the worst. The absolute fucking worst.

One of the things I found was video footage from the Nazis. There was footage of a bulldozer with a giant shovel on the front pushing bodies into a trench.

Let me repeat myself. I want you to really think about what I’m typing here. I was watching actual video footage of a bulldozer with a giant shovel on the front pushing bodies into a trench.


Bodies of women, men, and children. They weren’t dummies. They weren’t acting. These were countless, hundreds on hundreds of real human beings who had been tormented in one or more formats, and they were dead. Their shells were being shoved like garbage into a hole in the ground.

You guys.

It is burned into my mind forever. It is fucking burned into my fucking brain into my head.

Those bodies were my people. Those bodies were people born of certain bloodlines, people who had made the choice of faith, people born gay, some random people someone somewhere just didn’t like.

Those bodies included Jews.

It is burned into my mind forever.

When you start making statements like the ones that started a revolution intended on wiping out entire races and religions and creeds, that video is what I think of.

When you start making statements like the ones Hitler and the people he placed in charge of his empire, that video is what I think of.

Trump scares the shit out of me. Hard fucking stop.

The people who are blindly following him in frothy angry rage that their little bigoted world is being infiltrated by reality scare me so much fucking more.

Oh, for fuck sake, what the hell am I doing now??

Well, I tried to make a post. I’ve been trying to make a post about our new house for over a month now. I made the post itself, but everything was fucking slow, and my gallery wasn’t working right, and I realized that it was time to just start over.

So here we are. Give me a few days to get my bearings back together.